Murder Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys witness a murder; the only problem is they each say only one thing. The first guy says, "Mememememe." The second guy says, "Forks and knifes." And the third guy says, "Goody, goody gumdrops."
When the policeman gets there, he asks, "Who killed this man?" The first guy replies, "Memememememe." Then the policeman asks, "What did you kill him with?" The second guy replies, "Forks and knifes. Forks and knifes." Then the policeman says, "That's it! You're all going to jail." The third guy says, "Goody, goody gumdrops!"
an english man an irish man and a jewish man decide they want to become police men so the english man goes into the police station and says i want to be a copper, so the police man says ok as long as you can say who killed jesus and the english man says pontious pilate. the copper says right ur in. the irish man does the same. thenthe jewish man goes in and says i want to be a copper, so the police man says right who killed jesus and the jewish man says i dont know, so the police man says go away and find out and then come back. the jewish man then goes to see the english man n the irish man and says i must be good me they have put me on a murder case.
A defendant was on trial for murder in a case where there was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
Knowing that his client would probably be convicted, the lawyer resorted to a trick during his closing statement.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for all of you," he said, looking at his watch. "In approximately one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He then looked towards the courtroom door. The jurors, stunned, looked on eagerly. A minute passed and nothing happened.
Finally, the lawyer said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I made up the previous statement. However, you all looked on with anticipation. Therefore, I say to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, now clearly confused, retired to deliberate. Within a few minutes, they returned and pronounced a more...
The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake
while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience
doesn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew
he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the
performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said
"Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class
conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra
too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage,
only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized
bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of
conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night
with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said more...
Casey Anthony is set to go on trial this year for the murder of her daughter Caylee. The trunk of the car smelled like a dead body and apparently she didnt call the cops for the month her daughter was missing and partied. Despite the evidence against her I think she is innocent of murder. I mean, didnt Britney used to leave her kids in the trunk?
Tow Somali burglars broke into a house.
They heard the morning Azan (prayer calls) while stealing. One of them says: "Hurry up, we have to pray!".
The other unintentionally drops the Koran.
His friend yells out: "Damn it, what did you do?" Bang!... bang! He shoots him on the spot!