Naked Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair
of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn`t fully
convinced.
The store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Santa puts on his new x-ray glasses
and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!
He takes them off for a moment,
and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on... everyone is naked! "Cool!"
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new
toy to his wife but can`t find her.
He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some
guy, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked.
He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
Santa gets disgusted and says, "Damn,
I just paid fifty-bucks for these,
and they`re already broken!"
A businessman comes home for lunch to his high rise apartment and while he's putting his key in the door, his wife is in bed with another guy, and hears the door. It's my husband! she exclaimed. Panicked, the guy runs, naked, looking for a place to hide. He decides on the refrigerator and gets inside of it.
Meanwhile, the husband, suspecting his wife of cheating, demands to know where the guy is hiding. He tears the apartment up, then in a rage, picks up the fridge and throws it out the window. The strain caused him to have a massive heart attack and he dies. At the gates of Heaven, he is greeted by St Peter and is asked, "How did you die?"
He replies, "I came home from work, thought my wife had a man in the apartment, got pissed, threw the fridge out the window, had a heart attack and died"
St Peter wrote this in his book, then asked this naked guy beside of the businessman hiw he had died. The guy says, "Well, I was just more...
A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
He never heard the shot.
Funeral services are pending.
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter: “what are you doing naked? ” The daughter responds: ”This is the dress of love. ”
When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her: “what are you doing naked, woman? ”
She responds: “This is the dress of love. ”
And he said to her: “Well, go iron it. ”
One summer afternoon, two boys were playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked.
Suddenly, one of the boys took off running. The other boy ran after him and finally caught up with his friend.
"Why did you run away?" he asked his friend.
"Well," explained his friend, "my mom told me that if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I felt something getting hard, so I ran!"
Some years ago, the now-defunct airline Braniff advertised their business class section with leather seats and more leg room with the following: 'Fly in leather with three more inches.' Spanish for 'in leather' is 'en cuero'. However, 'en cueros' means 'naked'. The Spanish version of Braniff's slogan thus became: 'Fly naked with three more inches.' What a manly airline...