Nation Jokes / Recent Jokes

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP, Sept. 2, 2002) - Senate Majority Leader Ray
Noorda (P-Utah) today demanded that the Department of Justice order
Microsoft and Netscape to cease development of new Internet browsers,
saying the ever-escalating battle for Internet dominance had sapped the
American economy of its vitality.
In an impassioned speech before the Perotista-controlled Senate, Noorda -
once a key figure in the information technology industry - claimed
American workers and shoppers are so consumed with downloading new
browser versions, Netscape plug-ins and Microsoft ActiveX Controls that they no
longer have time to produce anything of value or to consume products. "We
have been transformed from a nation of thinkers and doers to a nation of
downloaders worried about whether we are keeping up with the
technological Jones'es," Noorda said.
Noorda's comments came only a day after Netscape released Version 407 of
its Navigator more...

I am so mad at John Kerry right now I can hardly see straight. With one badly told, overly-complicated, incredibly lame joke he has single-handedly turned our nation's finest hour into a complete and utter disaster.
From the original virtuous motives for going to war, to the meticulous collection of first-rate intelligence, to the ingenious planning and flawless execution of both the combat and exit strategies, to the humble, honest assessments of the advancements and setbacks, Operation Enduring Freedom has proven to be the most brilliant political and economic undertaking the United States has ever, or will ever, attempt. Our nation had never been richer, and terrorism on a global scale had been reduced to a trickle. We had truly won.
Then Senator John Kerry opens his mouth and ruins everything. Suddenly, we're facing over $8 trillion in national debt, a government that labels dissent "un-American" and almost 3,000 US casualties in Iraq. Not to mention a world that more...

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally
that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a cow and a bull, you let the cow be
president and the bull be prime minister and more...

... and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.
"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will...
"... no, wait. That's everything."
The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.
Except for effect, the administration said its new stance more...

Travelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of our nation - Sardarji!!! Each of them wanted to prove that their country was the greatest. Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that could touch the sky." "We dont believe it ", said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky"
Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet."
"We don't believe it ", said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed"
Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat
with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Three coaches flew to the NCAA convention. The plane crashed, all three d ied. All three noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God wanted to know three things: Who are you? What did you do? and What did people think of you?
The first person said, "I'm Denny Crum. I was the 2nd best coach in the nation. I won 2 national championships and won over 20 games a year and the people of Kentucky think I am great."
God said, "Denny, stand to my right."
The next person said, "I'm John Thompson. I was the 3rd best coach in the nation. I won conference championships and made our program respectable. The people of Washington DC think I am great."
God said, "John, stand on my left side."
The third person stood before God and said, "I'm Bobby Knight. I have won three national championships, two NIT championships, the Pan Am games, the Olympics, nine Big Ten championships, the youngest coach ever to win 600 games and the more...

Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?

Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...