National Jokes / Recent Jokes

If all our national holidays were observed on wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Bristol Palin, the 18 year old daughter of Sarah Palin, visited the Today Show this morning with her baby son Tripp and her father Todd to promote the Eighth Annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
Apparently Sarah Palin wanted to be there but she was off promoting the Eighth Annual National Day to Prevent Incompetence.

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
- the Spread Eagle.

A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks,' 'Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?'' The kid says,' 'How should I know? I'm only 6.''

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''I can't believe it,' ' said the tourist.' 'I've been here in Portland an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?''' 'Well, that's hard to say,'' replied the local.' 'Last year, it was on a Wednesday.''

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What do you call two straight days of rain in Portland? An average weekend.

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In Portland, what do you call a sunny day which follows two wet ones? Monday.

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What did the more...

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The country called the Land of Rising Sun is Japan
31
Mount Everest was named after Sir George Everest
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The volcano Vesuvias is located in Italy
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The country known as the Suger Bowl of the world is Cuba
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The length of the Suez Canal is 162.5 kilometres
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The lowest point on earth is the coastal area of Dead Sea
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The Gurkhas are the original inhabitants of Nepal
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The largest ocean of the world is the Pacific ocean
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The largest bell in the world is the Tsar Kolkol at Kremlin, Moscow
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The biggest stadium in the world is the Strahov Stadium, Prague
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The world's largest diamond producing country is South Africa
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Australia was discovered by James Cook
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The first Governor General of Pakistan is Mohammed Ali Jinnah
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Dublin is situated at the mouth of River Liffey
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The earlier name of New York city was New Amsterdam
45
The Eiffel tower was more...

[This mail, copyright, the Indian masses - C.]
There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!
The only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!
All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and Pasta.
India's National Sport will be - of course, Soccer.
Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
National vegetable - Zucchini!
There will be Pope John Paul's "yearly" visit TWICE every year!
Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's Confetti House"!
Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts! (Yikes!)
And... the number one thing that will happen if Sonia Becomes the Prime Minister of India is...
All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions because Madame thinks they are all ITALIANS! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani... after all they do resemble Mussolini, more...

"Anyway, I`m so thankful, and so gracious - I`m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well." -George W. Bush, June 4, 2001 "It`s important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than just blocking shots." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "If a person doesn`t have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." -George W. Bush, May 22, 2001"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It`s more...