National Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not.
Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.
Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again "Are you more...
Show me a man that thinks baseball is the national pastime and I'll show you a man who never played doctor when he was a kid!
While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."
Ex-President Clinton is currently writing a new National Anthem. It's called, "Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy."
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats. 3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.
An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch.
When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled,' 'Up, nuts!'' and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled,' 'Down, nuts!'' and the inmates sat.
The game proceeded and the inmates were well-behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled,' 'Clap, nuts!'' and the patients applauded just like normal fans. Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer.
But when he came back, there was a riot going on. The director finally located his assistant and demanded,' 'What happened?''' 'Everything was fine,'' the assistant said,' 'until some guy came over and yelled,' more...
UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: A. build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) A. Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called? A. Westerners(b) Southerners(c) Northerners9. Spell - Bush, Carter and Clinton10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.11. Where does rain come from? A. Macy's (b) a more...