Neck Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman was walking down the street when she saw a big black man.
She said, "you are a big ole man, how big are your arms?" He said,"20 inches ROUND."
She said," good lord those are some big ole arms. How big is your neck? He said,"24 inches ROUND."
She said,"good lord that is a big ole neck." How big is your thighs. He said,"32 inches ROUND.
She said,"good lord those are some big ole thighs."
At last she said, "I am sorry, but i have to ask how big is your dick. He said,"3 inches. She interuped him and yelled,"Your telling me that you arms are 20 inches ROUND, your neck is 24 inches ROUND, your thighs are 32 inches ROUND, and you have a three inch dick.
He said,"3 inches FROM THE GROUND.
A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here." "What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look." And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck." Rover," says the man, "daven!"." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven." That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could more...
Why does giriffs have a long neck instead of a short neck?
because if they have short necks, means that they will smell there stinky feet.if they have long neck then they can eat leaves instead of smelling there stinky feet.
A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one. Then the man asks, "Who's in the lounge?" The bartender replies. "15 people playing darts." The man says, "Get them a pint too."Then he asks, "Who's upstairs?" The bartender replies, "150 people at the disco."The man says, "Get them a drink too." The bartender says, "That will be $328 please."The man says, "Sorry but I haven't got that much money on me."The bartender says, "If you were at the pub a mile from here, they would of broke your neck."The man says, "I've all ready been there."
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses heron the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love more...
A fellow was ordered by his Dr. to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed like hell" he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them and subscribes to the 3 day/10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weightloss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does more...