Net Jokes / Recent Jokes
Girl friends are like a net virus. They enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download your problems and delete your happiness.
Do you like surfing the net? Oh yes, Ive really taken a shine to it. (Moon to Sun)
You kiss your girlfriend`s home page.
A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you`ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don`t have a clue when it happened.
You more...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You more...
A festive holiday poem by Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so more...
VERBS: to schmooze = befriend scumto pitch = grovel shamelesslyto brainstorm = feign preparednessto research = procrastinate indefinitelyto network = spread disinformationto collaborate = argue incessantlyto freelance = collect unemploymentNOUNS: agent = frustrated lawyerlawyer = frustrated producerproducer = frustrated writerwriter = frustrated directordirector = frustrated actoractor = frustrated humanCOMPOUND WORDS: high-concept = low browproduction value = goreentry-level = pays nothinghighly qualified = knows the producernetwork approved = had made them moneyFINANCIAL TERMS: net = something that apparently doesn't existgross = Michael Eisner's salaryback-end = you, if you think you'll ever see itresiduals = braces for the kidsdeferral = don't hold your breathpoints = see "net" or "back-end"COMMON PHRASES: You can trust me = You must be newIt needs some polishing = Change everythingIt shows promise = It stinks rottenIt needs some fine tuning = Change more...
This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you're not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok... shall we begin? Yes? 5 points... (you could've backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows:
2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).
How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
a) Huh?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I'm still looking for a really funky quote
On an average working day, how many email messages do you receive?
a) Nobody sends me any mail... sniff
b) Three, but they're all from Lester in the next cubicle over, more...