Newt Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the night before Christmas ( White House Style )

'Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice more...

The Gingrinch that stole Xmas
By Mark D. Harmon
(journalism and broadcasting Prof. at Texas Tech University, Lubbock, Texas.)
All the Whos down in Whoville took little note. Some listened to fear. Some didn't vote. Little did they know a Gingrinch did lurk. He'd been scheming for years to do evil work. The Whos were surprised, to find in everyone's house, a fat grinning rat dressed as a church mouse.
"I'm the Gingrinch," he bleated. "You Whos must be told that hope's been defeated." The Whos looked around in shock and dismay. Who could have dreamed such a strange thing to say? The Gingrinch, however, took little heed. He had an agenda; it started with greed.
The Gingrinch chortled and let out a hideous laugh. He bellowed and beckoned and brought out his staff. "This is Jesse, Strom, Alphonse, Henry, Bob, and Kay-we have so much contract work to do today. We intend to change Christmas, the whole Christmas season. We've got a new message; more...

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"