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To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...
In English class, the teacher gave the class homework, using the words Chicken, Nut and Bread in a sentence. The next day, the teacher ask if anyone would like to read aloud their sentence. Pablo raised his hand and said "I will". He stood up proudly and read out loud his sentence. "My fader told me, not to put the plastic bag ober your sisters head, because Chicken canNut Bread". Another variation:
(Submitted via email by Roxychikxx) There were three students: one Japanese, Haole, and Filipino. The teacher asked the students to use the words, "chicken, nut, and bread" in a sentence. The Japanese girl went first. "Last night for dinner my mother cooked us chicken and yummy banana nut bread". "That's good", the teacher replied. Next went the haole boy, "I live on a farm and we raise chickens, and grow nuts to put them into our bread". After that, the teacher asked the Filipino boy to use the words in a sentence. The more...
Erap, Joe De V and Fred Lim are soliciting campaign funds from the Sultan of Brunei. The Sultan has a very intelligent horse, who understands English but is lame. Sultan says he will donate a million dollars to the candidate who can make the horse laugh, cry and run. Joe says, "Me first." (as he is wont to do). He puts his face in front of the horse, and starts wiggling his huge ears. The horse enjoys the breeze, but does not laugh. Joe takes out money and waives it in front of the horse while making sad, crying sounds. The horse ignores the money, and refuses to cry. Joe then slaps the horse's behind, and starts shouting "Heyaah". The horse ignores him and refuses to run. (The fact that the horse speaks English was totally lost on Joe, who is not very bright). Lim comes up next. He looks at the horse and says, "Kapag' di ka tumawa, papatayin kita". Horse no laugh. He walks over to the other side and says, "Kapag' di ka umiyak, papa-salvage more...
NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.The announcement also included a notice that beginning December 9, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on more...
- The first 15 channels on your cable are dedicated to stage show mujras
- You buy anything and everything from Al-Fatah
- Your uncivilized next door neighbor just bought a BMW because he deals in property
- A really souped up Civic stops next to you and instead of a groovy exhaust sound, the woofers blare out an Abrar number
- At least one of your friends is a Butt
- All directions start with, "Go down to Main Boulevard"
- You think it `s okay to wait 5 hours in the queue for Bashir `s Fish in Mozang because he only opens 6 months in the year
- Its quite all right to run a red light if the traffic policeman doesn `t have a bike to chase you
- When someone asks you ` `Bhai yeh Fortress kahaan hai? ` `, you spread an evil grin on your face and send him to Johar Town
- If you are hungry at 3 in the morning, you go to Coffee Tea & Co in your pyjamas instead of walking to your more...
Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electricbulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbsdark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labsspokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier thanthat of light, and that dark is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There isless dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parkinglot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with allthings, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, theycan no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full darksucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has more...
Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las
night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree
would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
was 2 scrawny pigeon.
Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I’m tired of
eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to
Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog,
Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
rooster.
Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez
four, what you call “calling bird” wuz so noisy you could hear dem all
da’ way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the
rest of dem to the gators.
Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent more...