"Joe, Fred And Erap In Brunei" joke
Erap, Joe De V and Fred Lim are soliciting campaign funds from the Sultan of Brunei. The Sultan has a very intelligent horse, who understands English but is lame. Sultan says he will donate a million dollars to the candidate who can make the horse laugh, cry and run. Joe says, "Me first." (as he is wont to do). He puts his face in front of the horse, and starts wiggling his huge ears. The horse enjoys the breeze, but does not laugh. Joe takes out money and waives it in front of the horse while making sad, crying sounds. The horse ignores the money, and refuses to cry. Joe then slaps the horse's behind, and starts shouting "Heyaah". The horse ignores him and refuses to run. (The fact that the horse speaks English was totally lost on Joe, who is not very bright). Lim comes up next. He looks at the horse and says, "Kapag' di ka tumawa, papatayin kita". Horse no laugh. He walks over to the other side and says, "Kapag' di ka umiyak, papa-salvage kita". Horse no cry. Finally, he stands beside the horse and says, "Kung hindi ka tumakbo, pipinturahan ko yung bahay mo ng "AKO'Y PILAY". Horse no run. Erap comes to the front. He whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse bucks and laughs so loudly, the Sultan thought it was going to die. Erap whispers again. The horse starts to weep copiously. Finally, Erap whispers again, and the horse takes off running like a shot. Joe and Fred are amazed. "What did you say to the horse first?" asks Joe. Erap: I told him "I'm the Vice-President of the Philippines". "And how did you make him cry?" asks Fred. Erap: I told him "And I'm going to be the next President of the Philippines". "Why did he run away?" they both asked. Erap: "I told him if he didn't start running now, I was going to bring him back to the Philippines, and make him a registered Filipino voter.
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...