Nice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, “What’s wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? ”
The woman replies, “He’s a midget! ”

Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said "Nice pigs, Sir!"
The President replied "These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, Sir!"

After Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited the young man into his study to find out more about him.
"What are your plans?" he asked Joseph.
"I'm a scholar of the Torah," Joseph replied.
"Well, that's admirable," Leslie's father replied. "But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?"
"I will study, and God will surely provide for us," Joseph explained.
"And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?"
"I will study hard, and God will provide for us."
"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiance.
The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie had left, her mother asked her father what he found out.
The father answered, "Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is more...

Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said "Nice pigs, Sir!"The President replied "These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea."The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, Sir!"

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said,' did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yep,' the little boy said,' he sure did!'

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said,' Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'

To go along with the cop, the little boy said,' Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes, He sure did,' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said,' Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.'

1) Nice bible.
2) I would like to pray with you.
3) You know Jesus? Me too.
4) God told me to come talk to you.
5) I know a church where we could go and talk.
6) How about a hug, sister?
7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.
9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4: 11
10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
12) I am here for you.
13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner?
14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight?
16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean more...

1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody is horny.
2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you," and "You're cool," mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you have sex with me?"
3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.
5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?" Refer to number one for definition.
6. In an more...