Nice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street
when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike", the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep", the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a
$5 ticket for safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said,"Next year
tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top."
Have a nice day!

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high... you might want to use this mans logic.
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the man more...

A girl went on a blind date that didn't go very well at all, so she was very relieved when the evening was finally over.
As soon as her date got her to her apartment door, he shocked her by saying, "Hey, wanna see my underwear?"
Before she had the chance to respond, he dropped his pants right then and there, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.
She glanced down and calmly said, "Nice design... does it also come in men's sizes?"

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"
"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television."
"That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."
"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

I'm hungry = I'm hungry.I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.I'm tired = I'm tired.Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex? I love you. = Let's have sex now.I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now! Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you more...

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is more...

a person went into the office kitchen and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. she was wearing a new fur coat and a nice jean jacket. thinking this was a little weird he asked her why she was wearing something nice and not old? she replied well the can of paint said for best results apply 2 coats.