Nice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nice girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents.
After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiance to his study for a chat.
"So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiance.
"I am a Biblical scholar," he replies.
"A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "...and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?"
"I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us."
"And children? How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide."
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it more...

Computer Lesson #1: Nice computers never go down.

Computer Lesson #2: There is no such thing as a nice computer.

One day, there was this lady walking up the street, she was dressed in her best outfit because she was about to visit her fian-ce. As she walked through the park, she saw some guys, they said "hey miss, nice dress you got there", "thanks" she replied... so she kept walking
When she was about to turn inher boyfriend's street, she saw her worse enemy, it was a tall, totally hot model, and she though "damn, here she comes" the model waved at her and approached her rapidly... and she said "hey nice dress you have there!" she was surprised at her kindness and said in a low voice "thank you, nice dress you have too"
the model said, "oh yes, i know". Then she kept walking... and left her sight

A girl with a lisp goes to the doctor to have her cold treated. The doctor lifts up her top to listen to her chest and says, "nice big breaths."
The girl replies, "yeth and I'm only 14."

A Nice Jewish Dog
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving.
He can't
wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor
finally comes
over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how
smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his
master, tail
wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright
with
anticipation.
The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay,
Irving,
Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail
wagging
furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile
disappears. He
starts to frown and puts on a sour face.
Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy,
wagging my
tail all the time? Oy... This constant wagging of the tail puts
me in
such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating
that more...

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this cushy life to keep
I pray for toys that look like mice
and warm cushions soft and nice
For grocery bags where I can hide
Just like a tiger croucched inside
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks
and someone nice to scratch my back
For window sills all warm and bright
for shadows to explore by night
I pray I'll always stay real cool
and keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really run by cats.

A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!""Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you." "But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!""Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!""But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!""Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off." Look out dad, she's backing up!"