Night Jokes / Recent Jokes

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.

Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to fuck me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my more...

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife and said, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
"BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
"BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
"BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "BELL 2!" the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!" they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled, "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband.
"Roll out more hose," she yelled, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. "Don't let me spoil a good time for you," she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, "I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around." She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched.There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very more...

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all - nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet... and that's it.I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully more...

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small
house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a
long grey beard.
"I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay
a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese
tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well,
and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and
had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well,
as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the
old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a
night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly more...

Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house,

Everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
With Mom at the whore house,

And dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass!

When out on the lawn I hear such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter!

When out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fucker had fell!

He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick for my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
Piss on you all and have a Hell of a night!

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."