"The Fireman" joke
A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife and said, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
"BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
"BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
"BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "BELL 2!" the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!" they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled, "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband.
"Roll out more hose," she yelled, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan make your garden grow better! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan disorderly again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan buscuits in more...