Nine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Casher: "Well they must be for your sister then?"
Nine year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised: "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4. Sex has no calories. 5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. 6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 8. No sex with anyone in the same office. 9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. 10. A man in the house is worth two in the street. 11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 12. Virginity can be cured. 13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. 14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. 15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones more...

Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry's nine children.
At last the bus drew up, packed with poeple.
The two women, and the nine children managed to get on. but the men where left behind and had to walk.
After trotting along the road for an hour, Ted's walking stick got on Harry's nerves with its continual tapping.
"Why don't you put a rubber on that stick!" Harry complained.
Ted snapped back "If you'd put a rubber on your stick, we'd have got on that blasted bus."

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked."Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what`s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?""Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice."No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?""Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

A man visited a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at his motel, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting, so he got the directions to a nearby golf course from the clerk. While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused about where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation, and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I`m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I`m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again, he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the clubhouse, where he saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He more...

OFFICE MEMO:
From: Managing Director
To: Vice President
"Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let all employees line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the employees should assemble in the canteen."
From: Vice President
To: General Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tomorrow morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday."
From: General manager
To: Industry Managers
"By order of the Managing Director, we shall more...

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I more...