Nisht Jokes / Recent Jokes

Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?"
Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"
Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.)
Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?"
Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you").
Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?"
Use "that" as a more...

Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?" Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?" Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.) Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?" Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you"). Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?" Use "that" as a modifier to infer contempt: more...

A n old lady who speaks no English, only Yiddish, goes into a department store looking to buy some baby powder. She can't find any -
but suddenly spots a sales clerk wearing a kippa. "Yunger mann, kum aher" she calls ."Vu fint m'n der bebbe pooder? "
The sales clerk responds -"Ich vil ihr veizen vu tsu geyen - ober ihr muz geyen punkt azoy vi ich key, nor vi ich gey - nisht andres. Kum noch mir un ich vil ihr veisen vu tsu geyen." And he starts down the aisle with the old lady following. him.
Now - this clerk happens to be very bow-legged, very noticeably bow-legged.
When the old lady spots his bowed legs, she lets out a g'shrey - "Ven ich ken azoy geyen, volt ich nisht ge'daft kein bebbe pooder! "