None Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec. humor. funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec. humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32. .. Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec. humor (US spelling) *not* rec. more...
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.
There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its more...
In The Beginning was The Plan.
And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was
upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves,
saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and
sayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto
them, "It more...
In The Beginning was The Plan.And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice Presidents went unto more...
A blonde was trying to put together a puzzle but none of the pieces would fit together. She called her boyfriend and asked, "Can you come over? I'm trying to put this puzzle together but none of the pieces fit together."
He replied "Well what is the puzzle suppose to look like?"
"A rooster" she said.
The boyfriend decided to go over, took one look at the "puzzle" and told her to put the Corn Flakes back in the box.
Q: How many alt. test readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.
Q: How many alt. atheism readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb, one to prove that it exists anyway.
Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.
Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.
Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done!
Q: How many humor theorists does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 300--one to more...
Q: How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a light bulb joke?
A: Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be submitted to the net in any given week is. 4, and the probability that it will have changed detectably since the last transmission is. 2. Hence (assuming independence, which is reasonable since no submitter of a light bulb joke ever seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given week is. 08. So it takes about 12. 5 light bulb jokes to change a light bulb joke.
A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many members of the royal family does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: "Actually none. As your queen I would like to reassure the people of the commonwealth that while our family may have had our Annus Horribilis and while some of us may have screwed in the stables or in the mud, none of us, to my knowledge, more...