Plan Jokes

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and
resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather
die than to live another year in prison. Over the years she had
become good friends with one of the prison caretakers.
His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a
graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the
caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker
then got the body and put it in a casket.
Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before
returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the
casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it
with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would
leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were
kept.
She would slip into the coffin more...

This doctor is considering specializing in sex disorders. He calls a local clinic and asks if he can get a tour of their facility. The Clinic Administrator tells the doctor that would be fine and to come right on over.
As they're walking through the hospital, the doctor sees this guy jerking off in the middle of the hallway. He asks the Administrator what's going on. The Administrator explains that the guy suffers from Hyper Spermatogenisis, that is, unless he gets off several times a day, his balls will explode!
A few minutes later they turn the corner and see a guy standing in the hallway getting a blow job from this beautiful nurse. The doctor inquires as to this guy's condition. The Administrator explains to the doctor that this man has the same problem as the other guy, but he as a much better health plan!

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the more...

The word "racecar", "kayak", and "radar" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

"a man a plan a canal panama" spelled backwards is still "a man a plan a canal panama"

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming more...

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop.
The intern asks the doctor he is with why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.
The doctor says: 'Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up SO quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or he will explode.'
'Oh, I see' says the intern.
They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blow job from a nurse.
Again, he asks the doctor 'What is up with THAT?' The doctor says: 'Same condition, better medical plan.'