Notice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Heard at a party:
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured.
But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both
of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very
self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the
insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business,
so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own
a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding
computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at
all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last
question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual
about me?" The guy said, "Now that more...

Ad in Paper - sewing machine for sale
MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Pbone 948-0707 after 7 P. M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P. M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoyiny telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P. M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!

IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
SPOTTED more...

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off. Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing Rugby for good. His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way.
One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing sportswear business. He bought the company outright but after signing on the dotted line, realised that he knew nothing about business. He decided to employ someone to run the shop.
The next day he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the interview, the former rugby player asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me? ”
And the man replied, “Why, yes, I couldn’t help noticing you have no ears. ” The rugby player got angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, more...

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
This is how it goes...
I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...
BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door more...

To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices... You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.