Notices Jokes / Recent Jokes

John was driving his pickup down a country lane, when suddenly
a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He's just about to
slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken
has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.
Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster
and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a
small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has THREE
legs.
He pulls to a stop in front of the farm house, and looking around,
notices that ALL the chickens have 3 legs.
He says to the farmer "THREE-legged chickens? Thats astounding!"
The Farmer replies "Yep, I bred 'em that way-I love drumsticks."
John: "Well, tell me, how does a 3 legged chicken taste?"
Farmer: "Dunno, haven't been able to catch one yet."

A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tThe Donkey "A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager on the side of the bar he notices a large jar filled with one pound coins the asks the bartender
"what do i have to do to win the money in that jar"
The bartender replies
"I have got my pet donkey out the back all you have to do is make him laugh and the money is yours"
So the man goes out the back and sure enough he makes the donkey wet with laughter.
the man emerges back into the bar
the bartender amazed asks
"how in gods name did you make the donkey laugh"
"now that would be telling" the man replied" and with more...

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying... "A little more to the left...a little more to the right"

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so strikingly unique that he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "$12 for the rat, $100 for the story," says the owner. The tourist gives the man $12. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, more...

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at
the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a
rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have
it.
He takes it to the owner, "How much for the bronze rat?"
"$12 for the rat, $100 for the story," says the owner.
The tourist gives the man $12, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep
the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a
few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun
following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins
walking faster.
But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown
to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the
Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the
millions, and are squealing and coming toward him faster more...

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him
away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.
He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher
takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar
bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's
mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up
shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the
bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights
to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the more...

The policeman signals to a car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically.

He says to the driver, "You appear to have been drinking."

The driver answers, "No sir, I am just tired."

The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest. He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle?

The driver answers, "Water."

The policeman says, "It is not, it's wine."

The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"