Number Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man died and went to hell. There he was recived by the director angel of hell. The angel asked him "Are you from the first, second, or third world?".
The man said "I am from the free world".
The angel said "Go to department number 1".
He went there were he saw another angel. The angel said "Since this part of hell is for the free domacratic world you have the choice for the way you are going to be punished. I will take you around and you will choose what suits you".
He took him to the first room where people are being grilled on a charcoal. The man said "Ooooh this is too much for me".
He took him to the second room where people are being fried in hot oil. He said "No this is too oily for me can't you take me to somthing which suits me. The angel asked him "Where do you come from".
"I am British, said the man with a proud voice.
"OK, go to room number 627 that is good for more...

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."
The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks "What's wrong you look mad?"
She replied "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.
"You're right sir I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.10.What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice more...

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age. 2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her. 3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry. 4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo Gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder. 5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill. 6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair. 7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching more...

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number."Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."

April 1, 1988: The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
by physicists at Turgid University. The element, tentatively named
Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic
number is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an
atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus
by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called
memoons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is
present. According to Dr. M. Langour, one of the discoverers of the element, a
very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes less
than a second take over four days.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at more...