Observed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The Jewish people have observed their 5, 759th year as a people. Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only observed their 4, 692nd year as a people. "Now, what does it mean to you?"
After a moment of silence, a student raised his hand.
"Yes, David," the teacher said, "what does it mean?"
David replied,"It means that the Jews had to suffer without Chinese food for 1, 067 years."

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:ExposureA Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess"RadiationA Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, I subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure:

A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell.
Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons -- avoided this potential source of substance.
Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess."

Radiation

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes -- the
approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 more...

You won't beleive this. It's a true story. Ahem: About a year ago I was at Science Class and sitting beside my buddy Chad. We were in this huge science lab, and were waiting for our assighnment Mr.Hall wlked in, and wrote on the marker board. "All students will be required to wear they're goggles and an apron. Pair up with a partner and you will each be given a series of chemicals. make predictions about what you think they are. Look, touch,(with gloves)and write down observations. Next, heat the chemical you observed, and describe what happens. Do not over heat bunsen burner! Record observations in science journal, and wait for further directions."
Chad and I put on our gear and grabbed our chemicals. I tested a few, but came up on one that I couldn't figure out. Chad on the other hand, was doing fine with his half.
"What do you think this is?" "Dunno" Chad replied, he lit the burner. I observed the liquid. it was clear, and looked like more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure
A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie’s surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised “creaminess”

Radiation
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the more...

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, " No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, " There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased.
The mother said serenely, " Monica, we'll be through this check out stand more...