Obviously Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking
it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about
everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, “My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you
bother?”

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when
they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a
barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.
Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent
her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once
it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable
degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing(97% probability that
Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't
happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the
proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and
asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by
their own admissions they more...

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when
they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a
barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.

Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent
her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once
it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable
degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing(97% probability that
Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't
happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the
proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and
asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by
their own admissions more...

The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled."Why so glum, Chum?" asked the kindly stranger."If my parents get divorced... will they still be brother and sister?"

PRESS RELEASE
Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to buy the Philadelphia Mint from the United States government. Final details of the transaction were hammered out in an all night bargaining session which included President Bill Clinton representing the US, and four unnamed chorus girls. An obviously fatigued and smiling Clinton emerged from the meeting and stated that he saw no chance that there would be opposition from anyone within the government. In an effort to appease regulators, Microsoft gave a copy of Windows NT and a box of paper clips to Novell.
Microsoft said it intends to print money in direct competition with the US Government. Microsoft chairman, Bill Gates, declared, "The Government has no vision and we intend to eventually take over all operations." The official announcement was made by Microsoft spokesman, Brad Silverberg, who showed reporters an alpha version of the currency Microsoft will release next year. The currency, called simply more...

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way downa one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn'tyou see the arrow, buddy?" he asked." An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see theIndians

The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself. He came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."