Obviously Jokes / Recent Jokes

for your cnsideration
PMS--Punishing Men's Stupidity
PENIS--Protrusion exiting noticeably inferior sex
SHOPPING--Smarter, Healthier, Obviously Prettier, Plus Incredibly Neater Gender
SLAVE=Superior Lady Acquiring Vast Empire
WINNER=Women Inevitably Negotiating New Empowered Roles
BITCH=Bright Individual That Controls Him
MALE=Men Are Losing Everywhere
WOMEN=We Outclass Men Each Night
GIRLS=Gifted Individuals Realizing Large Superiority
FUTURE=Females Understand They Ultimately Rule Everywhere
BABE=Body And Brain Excellence
DAME=Dominant Against Men Everywhere
HIS=Honors In Servitude
SHE=Soon His Emperor
LOVE=Lady Obtains Virtually Everything
WORSHIP=We Obey Ruling Sisters Having Intense Power
SHOPS=Smarter, Healthier, Obviously Prettier Sex
HIM=Held In Mercilessly
HER=His Eternal Ruler
GUY=Gender Under You
GAL=Goddess At Large
BOYS=Babes Obedient Young Slave
SKIRT=She more...

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, “My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother? ”

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...

Dodd, who has received millions in political campaign contributions from AIG employees over the last few years, made the following scathing remarks: “This is obviously a matter that obviously should have been dealt with differently, but we are where we are”
Wow, AIG must be stinging after those harsh words! Obviously I hope I never have to hear Dodd in that kind of angry tirade towards me. Obviously.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gage your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and. . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more more...

A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"

Excerpted from "Quotes, damned quotes and..." by John Bibby.
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
translate into their own language and forthwith it is something
entirely different. (Goethe)
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9
times out of ten it will. (Paul Harvey News, 1979)
"Give us a copper Guv," said the beggar to the Treasury
statistician when he waylaid him in Parliament square. "I
haven't eaten for three days." "Ah," said the statistician, "And
how does that compare with the same period last year?" (Russell
Lewis)
"I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of
Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call
for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want
is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than
when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a more...