Obviously Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Santa: I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply. I want to slap Martha Stewart. Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18-carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. more...

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery. It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence... Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current' grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but more...

I should state that Ronald MacDonald is probably a registered
trademark of the MacDonald's Restaurant Corporation of
America or something.
I recently saw an advertisement for MacDonalds. In it, a young
girl is talking to Ronald MacDonald. The setting is somewhere
in North America, most likely, judging from the accents and
scenery. The girl says she's running away to MacDonaldLand,
and Ronald says, "MacDonaldland? That's where I'm from."
Suddenly, it all made sense. Why is Ronald MacDonald, the
grotesquely made-up and attired being, so far from MacDonaldland,
the only place where he could fit in? Obviously, he's in exile.
A few years ago in MacDonaldLand, Mayor McCheese, having grown
paranoid and megalomaniacal in his years secluded in his
mayoral residence, declared a state of emergency. He rationalized
this act by pointing out increased felonious activities by the
Hamburgler, and obliquely referring to rumors that more...

Dear Santa:I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.I want to slap Martha Stewart.Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living.We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18-carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. more...

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way downa one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn'tyou see the arrow, buddy?" he asked."An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see theIndians

Two dwarfs are sitting in a bar talking about women and beer when a couple of prostitutes stide up to them.
"Like any buisness tonight?"
They ask, making sure their ample clevages are showing.
"Ay! Allright" Of course obviously they are scottish...
"Just so happens we have two rooms in the hotel accross road" The first dwarf, 'Malcolm' says.
They cross the road and go up to their hotel rooms which are situated next to each other. Dwarf number 2 'Jimmy' as he likes to be called sits on the bed with his partner for the night.
"Ahhh....has been a long time since I have enjoyed such a woman as yourself" Jimmy tells his new found friend. But to his disgust he has great problems trying to get "lil' Jimmy" to cooperate... To make the situation worse he can hear Malcolm in the next room....
"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! MMMWWAWWAAAAA!!" Obviously he is having far greater success... In fact at this point in time more...

I'm amazed more people haven't spotted these film flubs:

* Part of the movie is in black and white, then inadvertently goes to color, and then back to black and white! An obvious continuity gaffe.

* Although the movie purports to be in Kansas, several scenes are obviously filmed on a Hollywood sound stage.

* The scene where the teacher rides past Dorothy's bedroom window in the midst of a tornado is physically impossible.

* When the characters sing you can hear music accompanying them but there are no radios or musicians in the area!

* For a land to exist "over the rainbow" it would have to be lighter than air, and as Dorothy was already shown to be composed of solid matter, how come she didn't fall back down to earth?

* Some of the so-called "munchkins" are obviously children wearing fake facial hair and grown up clothes.

* The "yellow brick road" is not really yellow as much as more...