Occupied Jokes / Recent Jokes

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat; 3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl more...

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names.As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity.General rules:1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself.2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around.3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only.4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking more...

How do you keep a idiot occupied?(Scroll Down). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Scroll Up)(he-he)(woo-hoo!) (yee-haa!)

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. it had never been occupied.

2. that there was plenty of heat.

3. that it was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl more...

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the nightwith her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat; 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home. Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for more...

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over." The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"

A businessman met a gorgeous girl and offered her $500 to spend the night with him, which she accepted. Before leaving the following morning, he told her that he didn't have any cash with him, but would have his secretary make out a check and mail it to her, calling the payment, "Rent For Apartment".
On his way to the office he began to regret what he had done, realizing that the entire event was not worth the price. Instead of the promised $500, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam,
Enclosed is a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because, when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
It had never been occupied;
That there was plenty of heat;
That it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
However, last night I discovered that it had been previously occupied, there wasn't any heat and it was entirely too more...