Ohio Jokes / Recent Jokes

Delonte West skipped a practice with the Cleveland Cavaliers. It's nothing serious, he just needed time to reload.

If you are familiar with PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), then you are aware of the fact they will do almost anything to protect animals. This year's efforts to save Ohio's deer from the annual statewide gun season has backfired.

For safety's sake, hunters in Ohio are required by law to display at least 400 square inches of hunter's blaze orange on their person when in the woods.

Capitalizing on the fact that hunters do not usually shoot orange, PETA recently bulk purchased blaze orange vests and have been affixing them to live-trapped deer in Youngstown suburbs. According to PETA spokesperson Katie Reese, a total of 405 vests were successfully put into circulation prior to this week, with additional specimens still being caught and vested. Youngtown entrepreneur Guy Lockey, of Guy's Outdoors has spit in the face of PETA by offering rewards for the returned vests this week.

Hunters who can successfully bag a vested deer can pay $5 more...

The Cleveland Cavaliers have won all 17 home games thus far. That makes them the only 12 people who enjoy being in Cleveland.

I heard the basic story and indicated commentary on a local radio news
program. Additional commentary is mine.
Reported on WCDR, Cedarville, Ohio, on 22 August 1996:
"No, that isn't a new speed bump. Highway workers in an Ohio county
recently paved over a dead deer laying on the edge of the road.
When asked why they did it, the manager of their garage said that they
didn't see it. The mayor of a nearby town said that the deer had been
laying there for about three weeks.
"The Director of the Ohio Highway Department said that it is not the
state's policy to pave over carcasses in the road."
And then the reporter's commentary:
"Not the state's policy? Does this mean this has happened before?"
And my (imaginary) follow-up story:
The game warden for that area, when he learned of the incident, began an
investigation to see if the highway workers had engaged in poaching. When
he learned that the paving more...

STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES
BULLETIN NO. 981059
DATE: October 21, 2000
TO: All Ohio Vehicle Owners
FROM: Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 69-13, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after Oct. 21, 2000 will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. Ohio DMV Act 69-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning October 21, 2000, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the more...

Cuban pitcher Aroldis Chapman has agreed to a five-year deal with the Reds. So he's gone from a country of Reds to a team of them.

Cincinnati Bengals rookie wide receiver, Reggie McNeal, was arrested in Houston over the weekend and charged with resisting arrest.

McNeal is the seventh Cincinnati football player to have been arrested in the past year, setting a new single season mark for the Bengals and helping them clinch a playoff spot on the FBI's Most Wanted List.

Prior to next week's game, Vegas oddsmakers have made the Bengals an early two-touchdown favorite over the guards.

Meanwhile, Bengals coaches declined to comment on the budding quarterback controversy between Adam Sandler and Burt Reynolds.

Photo: Bengal veterans use Gatorade as a lubricant prior to McNeal's rookie prison "initiation." Prison welcoming ritual reportedly the inspiration behind Gatorade's ad slogan, "Is it in you?"