Okay Jokes / Recent Jokes
1) The couch is not mine.
2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed.
3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you.
4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill).
5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent.
6) The printer is a valid seat.
7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent.
8) Its okay to lose some hair,
and of course,
9) Its always nice to be with those you love, even if they do smell like dog!
It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
''Hello?'' says a little girl's voice.
''Hi, honey, it's Daddy,'' says Bob.' 'Is Mommy near the phone?''
''No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'' After a brief pause, Bob says,' 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!''
''Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!''
''Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house.''
''Okay, Daddy!'' A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.' 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.''
''And what happened?''
''Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, more...
This little girl wants to take bath with her dad she says dad can i take a bath with you? Her dad says okay.Then the little girl asks whats that daddy? Thats my Car said dad.Then a couple of minutes later the little girl wants to take a bath with her mom.She ays mom can I take a bath with you? Okay.Then the little girl asks whats that mommy? The mom says thats my garage.then later on the little girl hears the doorbell.She answers the door and the lady asks are your mom and dad busy? Yes my dads parking his car in my moms garage!
There was a snail who went to a car dealership one day. The dealer came out and asked "How can I help you?"
"Well," says the snail, "I want a car, but not just any car. I want it to be the fastest car you have."
"Okay," the dealer replied, "Anything else?"
"Yes," the snail said. "Could you paint it green with bright yellow S's on it?"
"Um, okay. It will be ready by next week. Come get it then."
"Great," said the snail and he left.
The following week, the snail returned and was overjoyed to see his bright green new car with yellow S's on it. The dealer looked at him and said "Just one question. Why did you want our fastest car painted bright green car with S's on it?"
The snail replied, "So that when people are walking down the street, they will turn and look and say' Look at that S car go!!!'"
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil. Devil: Why so glum? Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell. Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man? Guy: Sure I love to drink. Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab... We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more. Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Devil: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it. Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead! Guy: No way! Devil: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table. Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow more...
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum? Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man? Guy: Sure I love to drink.
Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab... We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more. Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it. Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay...you're already dead! Guy: No way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table. Guy: Hmmm, I've more...
Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled. Mrs. Mueller is first. "What do you wish for yourself?" "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings." "Okay, that shall be granted to you." Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows. Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn. "What do you more...