Older Jokes / Recent Jokes

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.

The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child,' We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said,' Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

A young cowboy walked into a seedy cafe in a small town in western Oklahoma. He sat at the counter and noticed an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.
After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reached over and slid the bowl over to his place
and started spooning it in with delight. He got nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and noticed a rotten, dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately puked up the chili into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly said, "Yup, that's as far as i got, too."

Getting older, everything gets worse; except forgetfulness...
That gets better.

A woman went to the doctors office, where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and told her to go relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

At a resort, a fellow walks up to an older fellow who is sitting
in the sun, sipping iced tea.
Younger guy says - "Hey, you gonna just sit around all day? How
about it if you join me for a round of golf."
"Nah," the older fellow replies, "tried it once, didn't like it."
"Well then," younger fellow asks "how about a swim? It might be
just as refreshing as your iced tea there."
"Nah," the older fellow responds, "tried it once, didn't like it.
But if you're game for tennis, my son will be here soon and is
usually up for a game or two - you might want to play with him."
Younger fellow replies: "Your only child I presume?"
Rob Peck

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been
overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said. "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent more...

At a resort, a guy walks up to an older fellow who is sitting in the sun, sipping iced tea. The young guy says, "Hey, how about a round of golf?""Nah," the older fellow replies, "tried it once, didn't like it.""Well, how about a swim? It'll be more refreshing that your iced tea there.""Nah," the older fellow responds, "tried it once, didn't like it."Young guy says, "Well, how about a game of tennis?""Naw, tried it once and didn't like it. But my son will be here soon. He's usually up for a game or two."The younger guy replies, "Your only child I presume?"