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For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:

"You are not getting older. You are just getting better."

Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put' You are not getting older' at the top and' You are just getting better' at the bottom."

It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.

YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

You Know You're Getting Older When...
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
You get winded playing chess.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
After painting the town red, more...

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's more...

Grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

-----------------
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's more...

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

Are you getting older and wiser? No, hes getting older and wider!