One Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
should
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

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1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.

5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!

7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

9. more...

The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good. He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.

As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, Little Johnny, who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them."

The lineman tried to ignore Little Johnny and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.

So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough Little Johnny was still standing there. He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if more...

Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one

Michael J. Fox has a short one

Madonna doesn't have one and

Bill Clinton uses his a lot

What is "it"?



A last name!

Now what were you thinking?

Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he had recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated pop artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?"

"To tell the truth," replied the physician, "my first thought was, thank more...

Three Chinese gentlemen approach the St. Peter's gates requesting entrance to heaven. St. Peter informs the three that as they are not Christian, they can not come in. But after much pleading by the three Chinese men St. Peter agrees to let them in on one condition: each one must explain a Christian holiday. The first man says' Christmas. Christmas is when young children dress up in scary costumes, say trick or treat, eat candy. Christmas.' St. Peter says no. The second man says' Lent. Lent is when everyone gather' round big fire, cook hot dog, make e fireworks. Lent.' St. Peter says no. The third man says' Easter. Put man on cross. Man dies on cross. Put man in tomb. Wait three days. After three days, roll the rock from tomb. Man come out of tomb. If man see shadow...'

An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer. Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was something special he wanted to do on his final day. Again, the inmate declined the offer. The following morning, as he inmate was being put before the firing squad, the guard asked him if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" asked the guard. The inmate thought for a moment, then replied, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, from beginning to end, without any interruptions." The guard nodded and agreed. "Go ahead," said the guard. The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the more...

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate
his plain toast (no honey and butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I?