Online Jokes / Recent Jokes

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?
TECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know... Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?

[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy they`d deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage. I can`t remember if I cried
when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer`ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it`s working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this`ll be the day that they die.
This`ll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well more...

[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...

User
(To the tune of Beck`s "Loser")

In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkie
Jolt in my brains and body feeling chunky
With the plastic mouse balls spray paint the Commodore
System install with the hard drive on the floor

Kill the process and put it in /dev/null
Email flaming with the user hitting D-control
Shell`s called Reno and it`s written in C
Got a couple of xterms, keys set to repeat

Root came sayin` I`m insane to complain
About an online wedding and a stain on my screen
Don`t believe everything that you make(1)
You get a cracker from Europe and a login that`s fake

So write your code in Perl in the dark
Saving all your hacks for working at a tech park
Yo - punch it

So - dumping core
I`m a user, baby, so why don`t you kill(1) me?
(Double dense floppy)
So - dumping core
I`m a user, baby, so why don`t you kill(1) me?

Forces more...

There will be no more standing in lines to get tickets for the Easter Egg Roll at the White House. Instead, for the first time, the tickets will be distributed online. The White House stated that online ticket distribution will reduce the number of Americans having to wait in very long lines. Adding that the only long lines Americans should be standing in are lines for unemployment, pawn shops, and food banks.

Is there a 12 step, support group, or such?
For those of us folks who chat on line too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prob'bly would be here online!

Are there therapists here? I think I saw some.
Its got me, its got me, its power is AWESOME!
It's my new computer, I've had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a real "geek."

Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs.
Please help me, please help me, please get me offline!
Or better, please Email a burger and fries,
' Cause I'm staying ONLINE, at least' til I die!

[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...