Operator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old lady called 911. When the operator answered she yelled, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed.

"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady said.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat???"

"Because, you damn fool, if he were a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democraton my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on myfront porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him andI'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated." Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?" "Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwingsomebody!"

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away." Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said... "How' bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.
The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole.
The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end.
The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement.

The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times

when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?

The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted more...

Mary Jo was going into labor and the baby was coming fast. Her husband, Billy Bob called 911 and asked for help The operator said she would send someone right out."Where do you live?" she asked. "On Eucalyptus Drive," replied Billy Bob. "Can you spell that for me?" asked the operator. There was a pause, and then Billy Bob said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street, and you pick her up from there?"

One day, someone phoned Central Manhattan Office.
Caller: Good afternoon. I'm John Smith.
Operator: GOOD AFTERNOON! CAN I HELP YOU?
Caller: Who are you? Why are you so rude?
Operator: WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Caller: I am looking for my sister, Gabrielle Smith. She works here, right?
Operator: SHE IS IN THE TOILET!
Caller: Okay. Now I want to know who you are. Why are you so rude?
Operator: I'M SAW LEE!
Caller: Oh, you should be sorry because you are so rude!
Then the caller hung up the phone.
*Try to pronounce "SAW LEE". It sounds like "SORRY", right?