Organist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner. Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base? A: A flat major. Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright? A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff. Q: Why was the organ invented? A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer. Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments? A: He puts his Leslie on "slow". The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute organist became the permanent organist!

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
He gave the organist a copy of the service and asked her if she could come up with some kind of inspirational music to play, after he made the announcement about the finances, to help put the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry, I'll come up with something," she said.
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we find ourselves in great difficulty. The cost of the roof repairs is twice as much as we expected, and we need $4000 more. Any of you who are able to pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the organist began playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."

The minister was reoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
He gave the organist a copy of the service and asked her if she could come up with some kind of inspirational music to play, after he made the announcement about the finances, to help put the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry, I'll come up with something," she said.
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we find ourselves in great difficulty. The cost of the roof repairs is twice as much as we expected, and we need $4000 more. Any of you who are able to pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the organist began playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. They warned her, though, to not eat any of the green persimmons' because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said....' Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.'