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In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth AshleyMany a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim BackusNo man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de BalzacHoneymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray BandyMarriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - BaskinsI feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame InductionsLove: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose BierceThe world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose BierceI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteAh Mozart! He was happily married more...
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 more...
A widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing forher would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop. She wasn't sure just what kind of pet she'd like, so she figured she'djust walk around until she found just the' right one.' She went pastthe adorable little puppies, past the playful kittens, past thepreening birds, past the sleeping hamsters, past the whirling gerbils, and past the colorful fish. Nothing really appealed to her and seemed to be just what she waslooking for. She decided to go around the store again. On the way over to the puppies, she walked by a barrel. At the bottomof the barrel was a rather nasty looking toad. When she looked in, heWINKED at her! Our poor widow just shook herself! She couldn'tbelieve it. She rather quickly went back to the other pets ondisplay. Once again, she checked out those sweet little puppies, the darlingkittens, the fluttering birds, the fuzzy hamsters, the sleek gerbils, and the darting fish. Nothing more...
Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca. One looked at the other and asked, `Are you brown from the sun?` `No,` replied the other, `I`m Smith from The Times.`
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." dad, today we had a spelling class - all the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but i knew the whole thing. Is that because i am sardar?
"no son, that's because you are intelligent. " bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "dad, today we had math class - all the other kids could only count from 1-10, i could count from 1 to 20. Is this Because i am sardar? ?"
"no son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, bantu poses another question to his father, "dad, today we had medical examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, i was at least twice their height. Is that because i am sardar? ?"
The father replies, "no son, that's because you are 31 years old."
THE IRS LETTER... Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair, since they are minors and not my responsbility, that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours! The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brillant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you more...
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.