Ouch Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head.They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man.While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go....YEEOOOOOOOUCH!
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.""What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter."My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club. "Hey, baby, would you help me' raise my mast'?" "No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your ex and she included a' small craft' warning."
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romanticwalk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll hislustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don'tmind but I'm busting to have a piss". Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK whydon't you go behind these bushes". She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rollingdown her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches througha gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings hishand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!"." No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."