Ouch Jokes

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.""What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter."My ex-wife" replied the hunter.

A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head.They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man.While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go....YEEOOOOOOOUCH!

*** Things that can and do bother the "normal" person. ***Having to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thingy in the middle of them.The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The same person that gives you a "blank stare" when you look at them.There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. Especailly since you don't even have a dog! There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror anddiscover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.You slice your tongue licking an envelope...OUCH! Your tire gauge lets out more...

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says "you're kidding.." Girl says "no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???" Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is afailic symbol!"Girl says "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"