Our Jokes / Recent Jokes
A dietician, addressing a large audience, stated, "The things we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago".
"Red meat is loaded with bad cholesterol. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is laced with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and we don't seem to appreciate the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water".
"But there is one thing that is most dangerous of all, and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
An eighty year old man in the front row stood up, and said, "wedding cake."
Written by a Viet Nam VetGOD BLESS AMERICA!"In Memory of The Twin Towers"Warning song to Osama bin Laden(the tune of Rawhide)The devil came from nowhereHe attacked us from the sky. He bloodied up our nationdidn't give a reason why. Now he's placed a spear in our eyesaid its done it Allahs nameSo God's coming lookin for himAnd he's got himself to blame. No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thoughtAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got. Just go hidin in your hillsYou'll be buried in your caves. You'll get what you've got comin nowFor being Satans slaves. You've woke the sleeping giantFrom his legendary sleepNow with open roar like lionsThere's one promise he will keepNo more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You've defiled the love of all mankind more...
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"Hello, I'm Mike Walrus, and this is 60 Seconds"
"We're here in Hong Kong to bring you a story that may shock and horrify some viewers. This city is a beehive of industry and activity, a monument to free enterprise and commerce, but behind these shops and warehouses, hidden from public view, is the sordid story of a condiment gone terribly wrong.
"I'm talking about duck sauce. You've probably seen or tried it before, those little orange packets tossed in with your Chinese take-out meals. But look closely at them...those little floating bits aren't apricot...they're real duck.
"Yes, it's a tragic tale of waterfowl laid waste, an underground industry that reaps millions of export dollars and is depleting the duck population all around the South China Sea.
"We tracked several shipments of duck sauce to a clandestine factory here, operating under the name more...
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said' Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisoned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for' enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to more...
1. Blady war on our boarder, Sons of Bengal bheel crush these hoarders. All join CRP and Army, Bugger Chinese must flee.
2. Recruiting offishsars taking names, Whife say Bholanath don't be shamed, Put your name on top of the least, Phor phree clothing and phresh pheesh.
3. To the depoh all are sent, Banerjees, Choudhurys all did went, Debs, Deys, Duttas and Das, Shaking posterior with big arse.
4. Guptos, Ghosh, Guhas and Mondols, Looking like many dhobi bundles, Mookherjees, Chatterjees, Mazumdars and Mitters, Grinding tooths for hurt (heart) is bitter.
5. Shum-one is shouting tarn to right, Phor medical exam and eyeshight. Doctor is telling undress phull, But I am feeling blady phool.
6. Doctor putting tape around chest, Breathe in and out and dam the rest. Myself feeling bhery sai (shy), Doctor is pheeling near thigh.
7. Now for khaki clothing go, I am rushing but dhuti tore. Pushing, heaving, jostling and banging, But I pheel something is more...
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.