Outta Jokes

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a leetle lumber from dat new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son"?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm' fraid someone will break dey laig, so I fix de hole. "

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a leetle lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta de wether, so I make him his own leetle doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a leetle lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de wether either, so I make her a two car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little more...

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead...Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too...Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree? peer pressure...

The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!

Push, Pull or Get Outta the Way.

One day a teacher asked her class, "What do you want outta life?"
So a girl in the back raised her hand and said, "I want four things."
"what four things would those be?"Asked the teacher.
"I want a tiger in bed, a jaguar in the garage, a mink on my back, and a jackass to pay for it all."