Own Jokes / Recent Jokes
1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don`t rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don`t have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something,
he or she can still be your friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger`s seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don`t have to clean your more...
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
"So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
The Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
The Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
The Devil said, "I think I know how I can get more...
How To Be A Cultist:
Recently, the Society For Evil Overlords has noticed a regrettable
decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil
priests, and willing sacrificial victims. We wish to correct this
growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for
Cultists.
1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of
the amateur.
2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct
pronunciation of your deity+s name in the privacy of your own room
before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.
3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight+ it
attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various
supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during
thunderstorms.
5. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress
this more...
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
An accident claim for $ 100, 000. 00 came up before an high court, the defendent's lawyer got up and said " My lord, at the seane of the accident when the police officer asked the plaintiff how he is and the answer the plaintif gave in his own words were " I am alright ", now how can he claim such a colosal amount as damages from my client.
The plaintiffs lawyer got up and said " My lord let my client explain to your lordship in his own words how the accident happened" so the Judge instructed the plaintiff to narate the accident. The plaintiff said that when he was coming from his farm in his horse carriage, with his pet dog seated by his side, the vehicle driven by the defendent in high speed hit his horse carrige with such a force the carriage was thrown to a side and so were the horse, the dog and himself.
The accident was reported to the police and an officer came to investgate, the seane was in a mess and the police officer went near the horse more...