Owner Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch. Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright. Indian: [extreme look of shock]Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]Dog: YepCowboy: How's he treat you? Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes meto the lake once a week to play. Indian: [look of disbelief]Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse? Indian: Horse no talk. Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going? Horse: Cool. Indian: [extremer look of shock]Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]Horse: YepCowboy: How's he treat you? Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes medown often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements. Indian: [total look of amazement]Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep? Indian: Sheep Lie!!

Once A Man Sees An Old Man Taking His 3 Most Beautiful Dogs Out For A Walk. He Goes Up To The Man And Asks: Hello! Sir. Your
Dogs Are Very Beautiful. What Are Their Names? The Owner Of The Dogs Replies: Ramu, Hari And Sonu. First Man: That Is Great.
And What Is Your Name? Owner: Tommy!

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed
that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on
the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot

A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The parrot being a male sneaks out and screws the next door neighbor’s turkey and rushes back home before being caught in the act.
The next door neighbor knocks on the door and explains what the parrot has been up to. The owner of the parrot reprimands him and tells him if he doesn’t stop it he’s going to shave the parrot’s head.
That night the parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbor’s turkey again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head.
The following morning is the Farmers daughters wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church.
The parrot is doing fine. “Groom’s side to the left and Bride’s side to the right”
Then two bald guys walk in and he says, more...

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, "Do your Shih Tzu dogs breed well?"
The owner says,"Sure they do."
After a minute, the man says, with a grin, "What about your bull dogs?"
"Yes they breed well, too."
The man, happy with this, buys both. The owner asks, "Why do you need to know that anyway?"
The man replies, "I'm going to go home and breed a bullshit!"

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling."Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.But tell me, what in the world happened to you?""Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive more...

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep hercompany at home.She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; itwouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be funto hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediatelyspotted a large beautiful parrot.She went to the owner of the store and asked how much.The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare lookingand beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you firstthat this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it sayspretty vulgar stuff."The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have thebird. She said she would buy it anyway.The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for itto say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then more...