Owner Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man went into a pet store and said to the owner, I`d like to buy a pet that is out of the ordinary - unusual. The pet shop owner replied, well,I have one Rairy-bird left... The man said, I`ve never even heard of a Rairy-bird, that certainly makes it unusual!, I`ll take it! So the man brought home his new Rairy-bird and soon found out that it had a huge appetite! It was always hungry!! Finally,the Rairy-bird was so big and fat that it wouldn`t fit inside the house anymore, much less the cage! The man said to himself: I`ve got to get rid of this animal-I can`t afford to feed it! So he rented a huge dump truck, put the Rairy-bird into the back, and drove to the edge of a high cliff. He then dumped the Rairy-bird out of the truck and over the cliff!! Thinking that all his troubles were over, the man was driving home when he suddenly heard this singing coming from the back of the dump- truck: "It`s a long long way to tip-a-Rairy!!

A Guy and His Pet Giraffe Go Into This Bar Ok And The Guy Says To The Bartender 10 Pitchers Of Beer
5 For Me And 5 For My Giraffe So Later That Night The Giraffe Passes Out On The Floor So The Giraffe Owner Gets Up To Leave And The Bartender Says"Yo You Cant Just Leave That Lyen Here" And The Giraffe Owner Says" Thats Not A Lion Thats A Giraffe"

...and gets a call from a friend.
"I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, I'm sending him over." The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. "Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. "OK, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears. "OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"
"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"
"Just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"
"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her more...

A MATTER OF COMMUNICATION
There was a nice lady who was a little old fashioned.
She was considering a week's vacation in sunny Florida at a
particular campground, but she wanted to make sure of the
accommodations first.
Uppermost in her mind were toilet facilities, but she couldn't
bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable
deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode," but when she
wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so she rewrote the
letter to the campground, and referred to the "bathroom commode"
as the "B.C.."
"Does the campground have its own B. C.?" is what she actually
wrote.
The campground owner was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed
the letter around to several people at the campground, but they
couldn't decipher it either. Finally, the campground owner
concluded that she must be referring to the local Baptist Church,
so more...

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said,' I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!'

'That's right!' shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said.' I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!'

'That's right!' shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.' Is it wine?' she asked.

'No,' the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.' Is it champagne?' she asked.

'No,' the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said,' I give up. What is it?'

The boy replied,' A puppy!'

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch."I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""How do you mean?" says the accountant."I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.""OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?""You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner."Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?""That," says the man, "is your first worry."