Oxidation Jokes

Isn't it time we required universal Federal licensing for use of Alka Seltzer, Fizzies, and Pop Rocks? Background verification, two week cooling off period, fingerprinting, mandatory fizz locks. No gas release in excess of one liter. No automatic unloading - no motorized or wind-up Pez dispensors!

CO2 kills! Suffocation! GREENHOUSE EFFECT! Save our children!

Minorities are put at risk! I want a National War on CO2! We already know how Belgium was decimated by Coke-a-Cola. Can we afford to risk American lives so the small cliques of fantatics and zealots can exercise their bubbling pornographic appetites? How many children must die before we act!

Burning the flag releases CO2, Hitler's crematoria released CO2, firebombing Dresden released CO2, nuking Hiroshima released CO2 - how much clearer must it be made?

And what about NO2? SO2? ClO2? Are we about to discriminate on the basis of Period Table group number? Renumbering the groups ws not more...