Pack Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man gets home and shouts, "Honey pack your bags. I just hit the lottery!"
She says, "What should I pack?"
"Don't matter just get the fuck out!"
1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 2. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible. 4. A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman. .. then. .. pow!... it was.. all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhh my wife found out! 5. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. 6. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. 7. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!" The man responds, "I don't care... just so long as you're out of the house by more...
A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing. After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks' Can I have one of those cigarettes?'Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt' no' asks' Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies' No, it doesn't'.' Then,' said grandpa,' you aren't old enough to smoke.'Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.' Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man.' No, replies the boy.'' Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply. By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie more...
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he`d lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
``No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,`` he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ``Here,`` she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ``I found them in the hallway.``
``Now,`` she said, ``if only I could find my parakeet.``
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde were all running from the cops. They decided to split up. The brunette went to the west and jumped in with a pack of dogs. She started barking so the cops went after the red-head.
The red-head went to east and jumped in with a pack of cats.
She started meowing so the cops went after the blonde. The blonde went south and jumped into a vegetable garden.
When the cops caught up with her, she began repeating, "Photosyntehsis, photosynthesis..."
Which condom would you use....
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just more...
A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost hiscigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "Nosense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," hesaid to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer andflattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway.""Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet. "