Paddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia. His mate asked him what it was like." Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you homeand fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, theylet you fuck their women whenever you want." "Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australianswere real pricks." "Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"

Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Paddy met Mick in the street and said, "Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?"
"Why?" Paddy asked.
"Because," said Mick, "all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday."
Mick said, "Silly buggers, the laugh is on them. I wasn't home yesterday."

Paddy n Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody whos on the streets after 6 oclock. So one day, theyre out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. "What are you doin, Paddy? It aint 6 yet!" "I know what Im doin. I know where he lives and he wouldnt have made it!"

Due to the sad death of Paddy, the bar to all intents and purpose, will remain closed during our grief, but so as not to inconvenience our esteemed customers, the door will remain ajar. Tis what Paddy wanted. Thank you.
Donnachie family.

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard." Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!""What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."