Pair Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man had two pairs of boots, one with thick soles and the other with thin soles. One morning, he made the mistake of putting one of each of the boots on. While walking, he felt very uncomfortable. "How strange! How is it that my legs aren't the same length today?" He said to himself in surprise. A passer-by told him, "Your boots aren't a pair." Hearing this he hurried home to change boots. But when he got home and saw the other boots, he thought for a moment and said," There's no need to change. These other two are not a pair either. One is thick and the other thin."

A young Antartian, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
"I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free." She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the Antartian standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
"Oh, no!" the Antartian shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
"Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?'....
....So, here we are!"

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good more...

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove." These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly more...

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she had paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man more...