Pair Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Pappu: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

The other day President Clinton was walking around the White
House all morning with a pair of ladies panties on his arm.
Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing
now but no one had the courage to say anything.
At 1200 hours the President's Marine Aide de Camp relieved his
Air Force counterpart who whispered what he'd seen in the Marine Major's ear.
Being a confident and tactfully articulate Officer and a
Gentleman, the Marine Major purposefully strode into the Oval
Office, positioned himself centered and 3 paces in front of the
President's desk and politely inquired what he was doing with
the pair of ladies panties on his arm.
President Clinton replied: "It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."

wanted to purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart`s birthday and as they had not been dating
very long, after careful consideration, he decided a
pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic
but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart`s
younger sister, he went to Nordstrom`s and bought a
pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and
the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart
got the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed
the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in
the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen
the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones
that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the more...

> DENTAL WORK
> ----------------------
>
> A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
> that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he
> suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
> Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."
>
> The man said, "No problem."
>
> With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair
> of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
>
> The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
>
> The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
>
> The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
>
> The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have
> one more pair of false teeth... try them."
>
> The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
>
> With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After more...

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate
and says, "You`ve been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor
family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.
" God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy
pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed
in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven.
God meets them at the gate with the same offer that,
He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we`ve had to run.
We`ve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with
brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates,
we wouldn`t have to run anymore." God says,
"Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted
with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how
the cat is doing. The more...

The Naughty Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off more...

The Naughty Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out more...