Parents Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Tim, a 5 year old called 911 and very softly said: "hello". Officer Pam asked: are your parents there? Little Tim answered: "yes, their busy", the police, the fire department are here and they are busy"
Officer Pam said, so son your telling me that the police, fire department, and your parents are there and they are all busy?
Little Tim: "yes"
Officer Pam: What are they all doing
Little Tim: "Looking for me"

The String And Octopus Guide To Parenthood by Colin BowlesPreparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local pharmacy, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest more...

There once were 2 baby animals: One is a duck and the other a skunk. As they were walking along with their parents, a car came speeding down the road. The baby skunk and duck watched in horror as their parents were run over by the car.

Now the 2 babies were orphans. They had to stay together and help each other. Soon enough they were curious and wanted to know what kind of animals they were. They asked each other to describe their looks and tell what they were.

The skunk went first and said..."Well, you have fluffy feathers, an orange bill, and you're white so you must be a duck!"

The duck was now happy because he knew what type of animal he was. It was the duck's turn to describe the skunk and tell him what he was.

The duck said... "Well you're not really black, and you're not really white, and you stink so you must be...(INSERT ETHNIC TERM HERE)!"

Insanity is hereditary. Parents get it from their kids.

You know you're unloved if...
when you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts
as a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away
you find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side
your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck
your folks threw a "going-into-the-Army" party when you were 3
you run away, and the family can't give the Police a description
you were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet at Church
kidnappers send back your ear & your parents demand more proof
you play "hide & seek" with Mom and she hides in another town
your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle
you had to share your sandbox with the cat
you always got your allowance in Traveler's Checks
you join the marching band in school and they give you a piano
you take a girl to the Tunnel of Love & she makes you swim
you were the only candidate for Class President & came in more...

Pupil: “Sir, Would You Mind E-Mailing My Exam Results To My Parents? ” Teacher: “But Your Parents Don’t Have A Computer. ” Pupil: “Exactly! ”

A recent study appearing in the British Medical Journal discovered that kids who get blood drawn while watching cartoons felt less pain than those who were being yelled at and ridiculed by their parents for being, “Wussies.”