Park Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park.

He put her on every ride in the park--the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake.

Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running. The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness. Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park." The man said, "But officer this is my wife." The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife." The man said, "Neither did I' till you shined your light on more...

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

WARNING - may be offensive to Los Angelenos, Tiny Tim, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, OJ Simpson and women who marry serial killers on death row (sounds like a topic for a talk show...). Includes American politics.
In last weeks debate, Bob Dole accused Bill Clinton of not sticking to his platform. Well, at least he didn't fall off it...
At the end of the debate, Dole closed by inviting young people to check out his Web site. This could be the most tragic attempt at looking hip since William Shatner recorded "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds".
In the polls, both Dole and Clinton scored points as agents of change. Right. Each of them motivated millions of Americans to change the channel.
When the stock market hit a record high, Bill Clinton took full credit. When poverty fell to a new low, Clinton took full credit. When unmarried pregnancies declined, well... they dragged him off the stage just in time...
In a television ad featuring Elizabeth Dole, Mrs. Dole says her more...

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee. The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again, Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says, "There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the - " Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the more...

Then there was the blonde who was desperate for cash. All her bills were due and she was out of checks. So she decided to kidnap a child, and use the ransom money to pay off her debts. To the park she goes. Watching the children play, until she picks out her victim. She grabs the little boy from the swings, and writes a note:
"If you want your little boy leave $10,000 in a brown paper bag near the old oak tree tomorrow afternoon. Signed - The Blonde."
She tapes the note to the little boy and tells him to go straight home.
The next day, she goes back to the park, and sure enough, there is a brownpaper bag under the old oak tree. She opens the bag and finds $10,000 and a note:
"I can't believe one blonde could do this to another!"

HERE is an amusing example of a bloomer made by makers of sign-posts. The Lucknow Municipality decided to change the name of Laxman Park to Mukharji Park in honour of a dignitary of that name. The task of making the new signboard was left to the CPWD. At the ceremonial opening of the park, the mayor unveiled the signboard. And behold! it read Murakhjee Park.